"Say what you like about Hitler, he wouldn't let the buses get as bad as this."
"I wouldn't send them immigrants home, no I wouldn't. I'd have 'em come round to my house, AND WASH MY FUCKING CAR!"
"The Welsh? Waste of bastard time."
"WHAT DO YA MEAN, 'WHY CAN'T I WASH IT MYSELF?' I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO, I WAS BORN IN THIS COUNTRY!"
"I prefer McFly to The Rolling Stones."
"Out of all The Beatles, the one who most deserved to get shot was probably Zeppo."
"If you do air quotes one more time, I swear to God I'll plug you right between the eyes, Grandma."
"Sure, you might have a PhD. But can you fit your whole fist in your mouth?"
"I'm not racist but I'd like to kill all Belgians. And their shitty buns."
"Instead of giving all their money away to starving Africans, Oxfam should start helping the aged, because Help the Aged aren't doing a very good job. I'm getting older every sodding day."