What came first, the McChicken Sandwich or the Egg McMuffin?
If a tree falls in the forest, and no-one is around to hear it, that's good because it means more people will be buying burgers rather than being distracted by trees falling down all the time.
On that subject, I was trekking through the woods the other day on the promise of a secret dog show (NB: I now know what 'dogging' means and frankly, I'm disgusted) when a voice stopped me. I looked around but there was no-one to be seen. Eventually, I located the source of the sound; it was a tree!
I stopped and listened as the tree told me that when loggers cut into a tree, it can feel real pain and it dies a death just as real a human. He told me that he had stood on that spot for nigh on 200 years and had seen people come and go, and had seen tree after tree disappear. He said that this was the first time he had ever spoken to a human, and that I was the only one who could do something to stop destructive deforestation.
But I, of course, despite appearances, am only one man, what can I do? It was then that he lowered a branch and pulled me closer and whispered into my ear exactly what I should do.
It was a funny thing that happened. You know when someone says something to you, and you didn't hear it, but you pretend that you did? That.