Top of the Props

As a comedian, I'm always looking for new ways to improve my act, so I've decided to become a prop comic.
I tried it out at my last gig, and it worked brilliantly, I told a few jokes, the audience were all laughing (inside) and I felt on top of the world. Then one chap, sitting in the front row said, quite loudly, 'Get off, you shitbag.' As a seasoned pro, I took this in my stride, and got my "prop" out. I set the action of my "prop" to 'incapacitate' and fired away at him for a good five minutes.
As I sat in my cell later, facing charges of assault and stealing, '"props" from a police officer, I thought about what a great job I did that night. 'Yes,' I thought. 'I'm gonna be a prop comic.'