As I sat in the old, abandoned log cabin, idly playing with a Ouija board covered in the blood of a Native American, I heard a thud on the window. It's just the wind, I told myself. That mysterious curse that killed all those cheerleaders is long gone.
Then, in the distance, I heard a chilling scream. It's just the wind, I told myself. Just the wind screaming like it's being dismembered.
I must have fallen asleep, because I remember opening my eyes and seeing a dark figure hovering over me and whispering, 'Get out!' It's just the wind, I told myself. Just the wind taking on a physical presence and whispering menacing things to me.
I was trying to reassure myself, but I was so scared that my thoughts were italicising. Quickly, I threw a dressing gown over my negilgee and ran out to my car. I put the key in the ignition and turned it. Nothing. the car wouldn't start. Then, I realised that I was trying to start a lawn mower and ran over to my real car. That started and I drove as fast as I could to the nearest town to find a hotel. It was there that a terrifying realisation dawned on me...
THE ONLY AVAILABLE HOTEL WAS A HOLIDAY INN!
Also, I had diarrhoea.