Tuesday, 15 July 2008

Libraries gave us power...

When I'm not chasing ostriches in my lie as a nightwatchman at a flightless bird farm (we also have some chickens that have been de-winged pre-mortem) I work in a university library.
This job invites a myriad of questions from users, as rich and varied as, 'Where is the Mills and Boon?', 'Will this air-horn disturb others?' and 'What are you doing here, I thought you'd been sacked?'
Naturally, such a demanding occupation comes with its own stresses and strains, and any kind of crossover from my other hobbies would create unneccessary friction. That's why I was somewhat perturbed when one of my colleagues found out I did stand-up comedy. Word soon spread and eventually I was jostled down to the lecture theatre to give an impromptu performance. Expectations were high and I was rather nervous, which reflected in the quality of my set. It was the first time I'd ever been shushed off stage.
Incidentally, many people ask me if it is true that the library can deny graduation to students who have failed to pay their fines, and previously I have refused to comment, on one occasion even resorting to climbing into a postbox to escape my inquisitors, but now, as I approach the end of my tenure at the library, I will address this issue once and for all.
The library does not prevent students from graduating; rather, it lulls them into a false sense of security for a few months, and then sends some guys round to their house to repossess any knowledge they may have gained during their degree.

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