Survival Tips

The best thing to do when confronted by a chainsaw-wielding maniac is to not look like a tree.

If you're being attacked by a bear, always crap your pants because it may put him off. But at least if it doesn't, ha ha, he ate your crap.

Baby tigers might look like a fun pet, but remember, they grow up, and let's face it, imagine how much it'd cost to have that thing neutered.

When falling off a cliff, try to aim away from the jagged rocks. If you do end up landing on them, try moving a little to the left when you next fall off.