CRUNCH!

I'm poor! So desperate am I, that I decided to rob a bank. I'm now in half a billion's worth of debt. I need a bailout!

This takes me back to my days as a bailiff, where I would visit the homes of people who hadn't paid back their student loans to repossess any knowledge they may have gained during their degree. 'Neither a borrower nor a lender be" said some bloke out of Hamlet. Wise words.

A scene of domestic bliss...

A middle aged couple sit in comfortable armchairs in a comfortable suburban living room, watching a comfortable TV set, which is standing in a comfortable corner, which is part of the comfortable house that they live their comfortable lives in. Comfortable.

NEWSREADER ON TV: The Chancellor has warned today that the UK faces its worst economic crisis for over sixty years. Despite some encouraging indications from the Bank of England, the credit crunch is now worse than ever.

MAN IN COMFORTABLE ARMCHAIR: Well then. I might as well just go and kill myself.

WOMAN IN COMFORTABLE ARMCHAIR: Hmm.