Private Dick

Our eyes met across the crowded room, the minute I saw her, I knew I had to have her. I clamped a fine Cuban between my teeth and walked over.
'Say, toots, do you got a light?' I said.
She looked at me and smiled. It was then that I realised that she wasn't as pretty as she looked from the other side of the crowded room, so I blurted out something about being a non-smoker and left.
The next day I went to the optometrist and found out I had cataracts. Seems a guy like me just can't catch a break in this town.