Thursday 27 May 2010
Wednesday 26 May 2010
Survival Tips
The best thing to do when confronted by a chainsaw-wielding maniac is to not look like a tree.
If you're being attacked by a bear, always crap your pants because it may put him off. But at least if it doesn't, ha ha, he ate your crap.
Baby tigers might look like a fun pet, but remember, they grow up, and let's face it, imagine how much it'd cost to have that thing neutered.
When falling off a cliff, try to aim away from the jagged rocks. If you do end up landing on them, try moving a little to the left when you next fall off.
If you're being attacked by a bear, always crap your pants because it may put him off. But at least if it doesn't, ha ha, he ate your crap.
Baby tigers might look like a fun pet, but remember, they grow up, and let's face it, imagine how much it'd cost to have that thing neutered.
When falling off a cliff, try to aim away from the jagged rocks. If you do end up landing on them, try moving a little to the left when you next fall off.
Tuesday 25 May 2010
The Adventures of Socially Awkward Man: Part Four
Batman has Robin, Captain America has Bucky, Simon has Garfunkel, so why shouldn't Socially Awkward Man have a sidekick? Well, probably because he's not very good in social situations, but what the hell? He gets lonely in his Socially Awkward Cave.
After many years of searching, our hero found the perfect sidekick. What follows is their first meeting...
After many years of searching, our hero found the perfect sidekick. What follows is their first meeting...
Sunday 23 May 2010
Saturday 22 May 2010
Garden Philosophy
There was a couple who lived in the house next door to me for over forty years. They raised a family there, they grew old there. Then, when they eventually became too frail to live independently, they moved to a nursing home, where they both died.
The old man used to have a bench in the garden where he would survey his domain; beans shot up poles and lettuces grew next to carrots. It was a scene of self-sufficiency and fertility.
Now a young couple with children have moved in. The old bench is gone and a trampoline stands where the beans used to grow. I looked at this and thought that it might be nice to come up with some stirring statements about how the transformation of the garden is a metaphor for the circle of life, or even that it is a metaphor for the how the materialism of this generation has done away with the austerity and authenticity of the old couple's generation.
But, to be honest I was mainly wondering how they got that "old people" smell out of the house.
The old man used to have a bench in the garden where he would survey his domain; beans shot up poles and lettuces grew next to carrots. It was a scene of self-sufficiency and fertility.
Now a young couple with children have moved in. The old bench is gone and a trampoline stands where the beans used to grow. I looked at this and thought that it might be nice to come up with some stirring statements about how the transformation of the garden is a metaphor for the circle of life, or even that it is a metaphor for the how the materialism of this generation has done away with the austerity and authenticity of the old couple's generation.
But, to be honest I was mainly wondering how they got that "old people" smell out of the house.
Wednesday 19 May 2010
Birds and the Bees
BOY: Daddy, how are babies made?
DAD: The stork brings them.
BOY: And how are baby storks made?
DAD: Sex.
DAD: The stork brings them.
BOY: And how are baby storks made?
DAD: Sex.
Tuesday 18 May 2010
The Adventures of Socially Awkward Man: Part 3
Since Socially Awkward Man was born onto the world wide interhighway, he has offended an immigrant and a mother. Who's next?
Well, we may find out soon enough. You see, Socially Awkward Man was invited to one of the most awkward of all social events; the barbeque. After agonising for hours over whether to bring his own booze, he relented and bought a bottle of Cherry B's from the off license and arrived at the soiree already flustered.
Soon afterwards, he was accosted by the coolest dude at the party (he must be cool, he has 186 Facebook friends) and conversation soon turned to everyone's favourite TV series, you know the one. What follows is awkward.
Well, we may find out soon enough. You see, Socially Awkward Man was invited to one of the most awkward of all social events; the barbeque. After agonising for hours over whether to bring his own booze, he relented and bought a bottle of Cherry B's from the off license and arrived at the soiree already flustered.
Soon afterwards, he was accosted by the coolest dude at the party (he must be cool, he has 186 Facebook friends) and conversation soon turned to everyone's favourite TV series, you know the one. What follows is awkward.
Sunday 16 May 2010
The Adventures of Socially Awkward Man: Part 2
After his ordeal waiting for a bus with a deeply traumatised immigrant, last time, Socially Awkward Man headed for the local pub, where a charming young woman caught his eye.
He promptly struck up a conversation with her in his inimitably awkward way, and soon found out that she was married with a child. Presently, he is too socially awkward to excuse himself from the conversation...
How will he get out of this jam? Let's read on. Well, you read on, I made it and therefore know what's coming.
He promptly struck up a conversation with her in his inimitably awkward way, and soon found out that she was married with a child. Presently, he is too socially awkward to excuse himself from the conversation...
How will he get out of this jam? Let's read on. Well, you read on, I made it and therefore know what's coming.
Love
Let me tell you something folks, weddings are expensive. I mean first, you have to order her from Thailand, and then there's the buffet, the list goes on and on.
I remember in my single days, the women around town would call me 'the shark.' Not because I was deadly and ruthless, but rather because a punch on the nose would usually make me go away.
I remember in my single days, the women around town would call me 'the shark.' Not because I was deadly and ruthless, but rather because a punch on the nose would usually make me go away.
Thursday 13 May 2010
The Adventures of Socially Awkward Man
Introducing, my first comic, The Adventures of Socially Awkward Man! It's about a hero whose only super power is being very bad in social situations. In this edition, Socially Awkward Man waits for a bus.
So here it is, a web comic by a man with very poor artistic skills and only the most basic grasp of Adobe Illustrator.
So here it is, a web comic by a man with very poor artistic skills and only the most basic grasp of Adobe Illustrator.
Enjoy...
Tuesday 4 May 2010
A debate between two gentlemen in an online setting
The Angry Atheist: Man, I am such an atheist.
Harrison666: Yeah, so am I man.
The Angry Atheist: I bet I'm more of an atheist than you are.
Harrison666: No way. I've been an atheist since before I was born and I think that anyone who believes in God is a sheep. Baaaa.
The Angry Atheist: Yeah right, I saw you criticising Dawkins the other day dude, and I love Dawkins.
Harrison666: NO! NO! I am an atheist! I hate God! If he were to walk in here right now, I'd stick my fingers in his mouth and shit in his handbag.
The Angry Atheist: That's funny; if you're such an atheist then why would you expect God to walk in?
Darwin's Scrote: ZOMG! PWNED!
Iron Maiden 4life: Faggot got pwned.
The Kevin Delusion: Pwnage!
Wizardsleeve1973: My Little Pwny!
Musical Youth: Pass the dutchie pwn the left hand side.
Nadia677744441: YOU WANNA A PLEASE YOUR GIRL, WHYNOT? VIAGRA, DIAZEPAM, VALIUM. BIG MANHOOD GROWTH GUARANTEED NO QUESTION AKSED? YOU WANNA A BEE BIG MAN LIKE BEAR? VIAGRA!
The Angry Atheist: I pwned you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
