Buzzards Celebrity Blog Number 10: Santa

Santa Claus. Father Christmas. Saint Nicholas. Pere Noel. Sinterklaas. Kris Kringle. So many different aliases, which one is real? There's only one way to find out. Check his driving license. I once asked a Santa for his driving license but he spat in my eye and punched me. Come to think of it, if he was really Santa, why was he so drunk? And why was he homeless?

Merry Cwistmas Everyone!

Upon overhearing a conversation between three gentlemen

MAN 1: I really, really like The Wire.

MAN 2: I agree. It's really good isn't it?

MAN 3: I've never seen it, but I'll tell you what I do like; that My Family. That Welsh one cracks me up.

MAN 1: You're not my friend anymore.

MAN 2: Nor mine. You're one weak-ass bitch, yo.

My letter to the editor...

Dear Editor,

May I begin by commending you on the sterling job you are doing in editing this publication. When I read a piece by one of your writers I think, 'Yes, it's well-written, but it's also well "edited"'.

Anyway, to the main "point" of my "letter". I was incredibly disappointed by the choice of person to switch on Tamworth's Christmas lights. It was, as I'm sure you're aware, a nine year old girl! And not even a famous nine year old girl, like "Lindsay Lohan" or "Smiley Virus", just a regular scummy nine year old girl from a gutter somewhere.

For next year, I have drawn up a wish-list for who I would like to see "switch" on our "festive" lights! Let's be ambitious and see if we can "make it happen!"

1. Aggie Woodbine
2. Grouch Marks
3. Barry from Eggheads
4. Jackie Fulcrum
5. Flavor Flavor
6. Barrie "Silly Bang" Stott
7. Spit the Dog
8. Carol Borderline
9. Father Xmas
10. "Tom Hanks"

Yours "Sincerely"

Concerned President

The generation gap

GRANDAD: Things were different in my day, all I ever got for Christmas was an orange.

KID: What do you mean, orange? It's Apple that make iPods, grandad!

GRANDAD: Silence! Silence before I belt you.

ILuvDawkins4eva Message Board Post - Number 1

Barbara1967 Help!
My dog isn't eating!!! Iv'e tryed everything bt he just wont eat his food, waht
can i do?!?!?!???

BaggiesBoy Re: Help!
Take him to the vets, love. Its the only way. Its probly nothing serious!

ILuvDawkins4eva Re: Help!
Yes, take him to the vet. It's the scientific way. And ignore BaggiesBoy, he
doesn't know that it's nothing serious. It could be inoperable cancer for all
he knows, but then again he probably prays to the Flying Spaghetti Monster
so you can't possibly trust his judgement.

BaggiesBoy U r a cunt
Cunt.

ILuvDawkins4eva Re: U r a cunt
Hmm, that's just like you, to make suppositions without empirical evidence.
Just wait until everyone on CommentIsFree hears about this.