I really...

want this. This is the biggest night of my life. I need this so, so, so much. You don't realise how much I want this. I'm gonna give it 110% No, 112% This is my moment, a moment like this doesn't come along very often. Not at all. This is my biggest dream and I just hope I can pull it off tonight. Because if I don't I'll do myself in. No messing. I'll jump off a bridge or something proper high like that. Onto some jagged rocks. And then while I lie there, in a pool of my own viscera, I'll know that I've missed my big opportunity to be the Amington Fete Rhubarb Gardener of the Year.

EXPENSES!

Some people say that the electorate will turn to fringe parties like the BNP because of the corruption of mainstream politicians. If they do so then they are not only horrible racists, but also deluded, because BNP representatives would be every bit as crooked. They'd just claim for things like flags, and bulldogs and blackface soap instead.